--Mary MacKillup
I have a life calendar in my living room that shows how many weeks I have lived and how many weeks I have left to live should I reach the age of ninety (which is generous). I also carry a coin
in my pocket at all times that says “Memento Mori” on one side and “You could
leave life right now” on the other.
The purpose of both items is to serve as constant reminders of the brevity of life. The intention behind pondering our own death every day is to create an appreciation for our lives.
Death makes a mockery of anything we think is a big deal. Perspective is gained
when we realize how little time we have on this earth.
However, there is another by-product from this practice and that is the creation of urgency. When you realize how little time you have and think about all the things you want to do
in life, a very large sense of urgency develops. There is nowhere near enough
time to accomplish all the things you want to do.
While urgency can be a positive trait, creating drive in an individual and an obsession to get things done, it can also overshadow the aforementioned benefits of appreciation. If your goal
is to always be moving onto the next thing, you forget to appreciate the thing
you’re doing. In other words, it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey,
man.
These ideas are diametrically opposed and tough to navigate. To use an analogy, it’s like realizing you only have 24 hours in Rome, and you want to visit all the museums and art galleries.
In order to do so, you sign up for all the tours, rush through them without
listening to the guide explain the tour or stopping to look at any of the
exhibits. You come to your 24th hour in Rome, happy that you
made it through all the tours before your flight but also realizing that you
really didn’t enjoy any of it. You didn’t stop at one painting to appreciate it
or learn more about it.
This analogy leans toward the appreciation side of the teeter-totter. You may say, “what is the point of rushing through life if you aren’t going to enjoy it? Better to just tour one
museum and take time at each painting.” If we extend that argument, one could
say, “even better, only look at one painting!” This will give you 24 hours to
fully appreciate the painting because as we mentioned, life isn’t about rushing
through or checking things off the list, it’s about appreciating the things in
your life. But if you came home and told your friends you spent 24 hours
looking at one painting in Rome, they might think you’ve lost it.
My point is this, somewhere between those two extremes is a happy medium and I don’t know what it is. You can see multiple paintings and appreciate them all. You won’t get to see all the
paintings in Rome, but you’ll be able to see more than just one.
The argument for urgency can be summed up in two ways. The first is by Tony Robbins who states, “progress equals happiness”. If you’ve ever set a goal in your life, maybe to run a
5k, as you are progressing toward that goal you feel great. The first day maybe
you can only run half a mile, the next week it is one mile without stopping and
finally you are able to run the 5k. There is a sense of pride and
accomplishment, you had a goal, you put in effort, you accomplished that goal.
Progress equals happiness. When we accomplish things, it provides validation for
our efforts. We did work and got stuff done. If we just did work and had no
idea if anything was getting done, it would be demoralizing (this is why some
people hate their job).
The second way to look at urgency is by Jim Rohn who poses the question “why not?” You’ve got to stay here till you go, why not see what you can accomplish, what you can learn, what you can
be or do. If this is all the time we have on this earth, why not take advantage
of it? Why not live life to the fullest? Meet new people, try new food, travel
to new places.
The argument for appreciation can be summarized by Mark Adams who says, “when you get older, don’t be in the story of how it should’ve been but rather, live in deep acceptance of how
it is. The only time we can really be unhappy is when the way we think it
should be and the way it is are different”.
When we spend all our time thinking about how things could’ve been or what else we could be doing, we forget to appreciate what we have and where we are. That leads to a very unhappy life. It is living in a constant state of FOMO (fear of missing out). It’s a “grass is
always greener” scenario and it is unhealthy.
Tony Robbins calls it “the science of achievement and the art of fulfillment”. Both are
equally important to our happiness. It is a science because the metrics are
objective. If the goal is to make a million dollars, you know objectively if
you hit that or not. If achievement means finishing a race, you know if you did
or not. The art of fulfillment is much more subjective and much more difficult.
How can you tell if you truly have taken the time to appreciate a piece of art?
Are you spending enough time with your family or friends?
Urgency is important in getting things done but can also create a huge sense of anxiety. We think every moment, every experience, should be optimized for the ultimate output. Why are you
watching TV when you could be going for a run right now? Why are you sitting at
the kitchen island to eat breakfast when you could drink your meal on your commute?
On the other hand, appreciation is important but doesn't create much drive. If you're perfectly content with the way things are, what is your motivation for changing or creating new
experiences? Why try to do more when you can spend your whole life just
appreciating whatever happens to you?
Somehow, we need to strike a balance. We need to Always Think about where we are and what we have and be appreciative that we are alive and living in this moment. But we should also
Never Settle for a mediocre life. What we have been given is a gift. A blink of
an eye in the history of the world. We shouldn’t squander or waste that gift.
We should strive to live life to its fullest and never settle for less than
we’re capable of (see what I did there).
Always Think Never Settle
